Tender Crescent-Roll,

In the style of my recent infomercial persona, I would like to offer to share with you at no cost, my newfound Lullaby System.  This system is wholly devoted to the reinstatement of your subconscious as a healthy, whole animal. Maybe you do not need this service? If not, listening to the tracks I will send you, at your request, will serve only to quicken your path to a sweet and soft place of peace, one that is disconnected from your conscious sense of security based on Money, Friends, Love, Contractual Agreements, Functioning Appliances, Familial Acceptance, etc. One that is instead solely contingent upon your Certainty of Place in your spiritual environment! Oh it’s very lovely, indeed.

If you’ve been following my recent Broadcasted Enlightenment Series, you’ll already know that I’ve had a severe knife wound in the side of my sleep-cycle for quite some time now, attributed to a host of Human Error and poor decision-making skills. I attempted a long line of Solutions including having tiny needles inserted into my body, Homeopathy, Pharmaceutical Things, crying on the shoulder of my Beautiful Mr. Friedman, and reading the entire history of Irish Folklore (none of these worked, even remotely well).

In a moment of late-night despair, I stumbled across a strange formation of files on the Internet that offered Monaural Beats as a diamond-encrusted Brainwave Entrainment program for Les Insomniaques of a particularly desperate measure.

Each track has been designed for a certain purpose, the first one is not for falling asleep specifically, but for stimulating/re-awakening the often atrophied brain-space reserved for surrender of consciousness. Perfect for 20 minute meditations, relieving tension, falling Deeper into Love with your boy/girl-friend, softening the hardened edges, etc. Listen to it sitting on the floor in a soft place in the morning before you’ve had coffee and in the same soft place right before you fall asleep.

The additional tracks are useful for 1) Actually falling asleep, 2) Staying Asleep all night, when you often have trouble staying asleep all night and 3) Waking up when you’re super tired and need to jump up without drinking more coffee or doing illicit substances.

9 days into listening to these tracks devotedly, I am a healed woman. Legit, Healed. My sleep is back and in it I surrender to the Gracious but Stern Mayor of Dream City. Having dreams I haven’t had in years, about swimming pools and deep oceans, mainly swimming, lots of cute boys, lots of friends, light-based brilliant Sleep.

These tracks are humongous and since my grasp of the Internets is frozen in a 1993, sixth-grade place, I can’t quite discern how to put them here for you, BUT, if you will please send me an email requesting one or all of the tracks, I will be deeply thrilled to send them to you quickly. (ryann.bosetti@gmail.com)

I am, very honestly, filled with love 4 you.